


hardened heart

by suziesu74



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-12 01:03:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13536360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suziesu74/pseuds/suziesu74
Summary: A fix it for Call me by your name.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I had to write a fix it for this. I fell in love with the movie and the book but felt cheated by the ending and being a hopeless romantic – I had to write something. i know its only 2 thousand words but i needed to write it lol.  
> Anyone that have read my works before will know that I usually only write Harry Potter stuff but experiencing writers block so will be writing some one- shots to get me going again.
> 
> no help from a beta - so all mistakes are mine. sorry

“Elio,” a soft pause in his mother’s voice, “Elio?” an unspoken question hanging in the air as the heat from the fire didn’t touch the ice suddenly filling his heart. The flames seemed dull in Elio’s eyes and he turned his tear stained face to briefly offer her a glance, biting his lip to hold in the sob’s threatening to emerge, no erupt from deep inside his chest.

“Elio.” His father’s voice steady but with an undercurrent of warm understanding, Elio wants to hide away in his Father’s voice, cocooned from the growing cold.

“I…” he swallows, the words stuck in his throat and he feels like he’s drowning, the tears spill freely soaking his already shining cheeks, ”Please.” Elio sobs and immediately is enveloped in his father’s arms.

“Oh my Eli Belly,” a soft kiss pressed to his brow has Elio lose the last thread of control “I wish I could take all this hurt away,” Elio feels his mother’s tender touch run through his hair,” Oliver,” he stops for a moment as if thinking of his next words, “He loved you…never doubt that.”

_Traitor_

The inner demon of self-loathing perks up as the feeling of not being worthy of Oliver, not worthy of his love, his voice, his touch washes over the younger man. His heart in tatters and his whole being calling out for the older man’s touch, just one more kiss, just one more night in his arms. He extracts himself from his parent’s arms and blindly stumbles to his room, the tears blurring the festivities surrounding him, ignoring the worried tones drifting behind him.

_My room…our room_

Billowy on his bed where he had left it that morning, the blue shirt a permanent fixture under his pillow as he slept at night, the scent of Oliver long faded but its presence a constant reminder of the touch of his lover.

“Call me by your name and I’ll call you by mine.” The ghost of the words filling his ears as he pitched forward into the shirt, the sobs uncontrollable as the pain seemed to crest. His body ached, yearning to feel skin against his, the heat of Oliver as he slid inside him, the memory of the pain catching his breath for a moment before the memory replayed the pleasure that followed.

_I am sick. Crying and getting hard at the same time._

_**Oliver’s breath stutters briefly and Elio’s body opens for him like a flower, the flesh parting and he arches his back at the sensation. The guardian muscle clenching around the turgid length as it slowly fills his body.** _

_**“Oliver.” Elio is shocked at how broken his own voice sounds, the whispered word spurring his older lover to move, receded like a tide before pushing forward and stealing Elio’s voice, the pain of intrusion ebbing away with the tide of slow thrusts. Elio can’t stop the sparks of colour exploding behind his eyes as the pleasure begins to build inside him. The cicadas silent in the moonlight night, almost an acknowledgement of Elio’s momentous step, suddenly overwhelmed at the realisation that Oliver was inside him, like a part of him. A moan spills into the night air, answered by a deeper exhale of breath from Oliver, Elio opens his eyes unware they had even been squeezed shut and meets the gaze of those warm blue eyes.** _

_**“Elio.” The one word spoken with such reverence and Elio surges up to steal the word from Oliver’s lips, their mouths devouring each other swallowing the now freely spilling moans of desire. The thrusts deeper and more measured, Elio touching any flesh within reach, his graceful fingers playing the undulating body of Oliver like a concerto. His own cock dripping between them and slicking their skin, the sound of their lovemaking filling the room.** _

_**Oliver moans into Elio’s mouth, the sound deep and wanton. Elio feels his body ignite with passion at the knowledge that he has driven this self-contained man above him to lose his composure, tilting his hips and his own whimpers explode from him at the feeling of Oliver driving deeper into him.** _

_**“Close…are you close?” the older man’s words murmured into the kiss, Elio, incapable of speech nods frantically as his cock hardens further with its impending release. Oliver offers a soft smile as he reaches down to touch him, his fingers wrapping tightly around the dripping shaft.** _

_**“Inside,” Oliver looks confused at the plea forming on Elio’s lips, “Come inside.” Elio begs and the grip around his cock tightens, Oliver’s response a low moan and a hard thrust. Elio arches his spine and writhes beneath him, Oliver stroking his cock quickly as they chase their release. Three strokes and two hard thrusts and Elio spills between them.** _

_**“Elio.” Then Oliver fills him with heat, the passion exploding inside him and Elio knows that he will always be a part of him from this night. A part of his DNA and his whole body sings with the feel of their love sinking into his flesh.** _

Elio’s sobs soak the shirt beneath his face and his teeth sink into the sodden material. His cock spilling inside his trousers as his traitorous body chases its release, humping into the mattress. Overwhelmed by the memory of their first night together and his heart splinters a fraction more as he slowly comes down from his orgasm.

A prickling numbness washes over his skin and the urge to tear his own flesh from his bones looms over him. Fury, white and all-consuming bubbles to the surface, the taste of billowy on his lips floods his mouth with saliva as he struggles not to vomit, swallowing it down. The sight of the shirt in front of him and itching of the feel of his release coating his skin making his nerves crawl.

“I hate you.” The three words whispered at first, then he takes a breath “I hate you.” Elio balls the shirt up with barely contained rage. “I HATE YOU!” he screams at the top of his lungs and the night silently answers him, “I FUCKING HATE YOU!” the vehemence in his words belied by the tears but in that brief second he means them and his heart though fractured hardens. Like a shell containing a nuclear blast, but still a shell - a fragile battle won one at that but it would have to be enough.

Six months later.

“Night El.” Victor says as he walks away, the warm summer air of New York filling Elio’s lungs as he takes a deep breath, his new summer friends waving their goodbyes as they head to the subways.

“Later.” He calls after them and a ghost of a smile lights his face, that word no longer tears at his heart ,adopting it without at first being conscience that it had become part of his vocabulary until Mariza pointed it out in the spring holiday at the villa.

_**“You are speaking like the muvi star again.” The words are said with soft understanding and Elio who had been talking about a Oscar Wilde book he was currently reading stops dead and replays the previous part of their conversation.** _

_**“I hadn’t realised,” he blushes and shrugs his shoulder, the shell around his heart still in place, slightly battered but still in situ “I won’t from now on.”** _

_**“I don’t mind,” she touches his hand in a friendly gesture, their previous sexually relationship not taken up again after Rome, “Has your father heard from him?” Elio closes his eyes for a moment and tries to still his beating heart before shaking his head.** _

_**“No, he would be married now,” oddly proud that his voice doesn’t crack on the words, “I don’t think that Father would tell me if he did hear from him anyway.”** _

_**“Are you ok?” he almost laughs at the question, he’s heard every permutation of this question since that phone call. “No…but I will be,” he offers a smile that he knows probably doesn’t reach his eyes, “I couldn’t give him what he wanted.” There’s a final note in his words, part of him is resigned that this will never change.** _

_**“Are you dating?” for a second he wonders if it’s her way of asking about them but he knows that she’s being seeing a boy from town. He shakes his head and doesn’t know how to put into words how the thought of touching or being touched by anyone who isn’t Oliver fills him with unease. Thankfully she merely nods her understanding and returns to the topic of Oscar Wilde.** _

“You stole my word.” The deep voice brimming with mirth yanks Elio from his musing and his heart flutters, turning to take in the vision of a smiling Oliver. He opens his mouth to speak but finds that words fail him, the shell cracking and he can’t take it.

“No.” he mutters and turns to flee from the man that took his heart.

“Elio…stop!” Elio can’t stop, he feels like his past and future are hurtling towards each other and when they meet that the shell will break and his life will be desolate – a wasteland brought about by looking upon Oliver’s face and seeing a ring upon his finger. He can hear himself sobbing and he’s half blind with tears, unseeing the concerned faces of passers-by.

“Elio…please!” Oliver sounds frantic and a small evil part of Elio revels in it, “Stop!” he can’t stop, he can’t look upon his face or the spell protecting his heart will be broken, he steps halt as he hears Oliver’s voice filled with emotion shout hoarsely “OLIVER!”

“Elio.” He whispers his own name, soft hands touch his shoulders and he closes his eyes as he is turned to face the older man.

“Look at me…please.” The plea is tender and Elio can feel tears streaming down his own cheeks. He slowly opens his eyes to take in the tear blurred vision of a worried looking Oliver, his tan gone and his blond hair a slightly darker shade now its unkissed by the Italian sun. His blue eyes smiling as he meets Elio’s gaze and Elio can’t help his traitorous gaze from assessing Oliver’s hand, surprised by the lack of ring. The older man seemed to read his mind and his smile widens as his fingers rub his shoulders like the warm summer day during tennis on the lawn.

“I called it off…it wasn’t fair to her,” he looks at Elio and he can feel that he was being scrutinised by the older man, knowing that he was paler and skinnier than the summer they shared but Elio had withdrawn from everyone for a while. “Oh silly goose you haven’t been looking after yourself.” Elio almost sags at the endearment but then anger overflows and erupts from him, how dare he care.

“Like you fucking care!” Elio takes some strange pride as Oliver pales at the venom in his words.

“I…” Elio doesn’t want to hear his apologies and he tries to shrug off the warm hands.

“You left me…” he pushes at Oliver, the man still physically overpowering but he pushes again “You left me.” The words dissolving into sobs and Oliver ignores his struggling as he pulls him to his chest, the scent that had haunted Elio’s dream filling his lungs.

“Elio…my Elio.” Hushed words spoken only for him, “I can’t ever tell you enough how much I hate myself for hurting you,” a soft kiss pressed to his temple and Elio sobs harder, “I thought that you would forget me…you are so beautiful, so fragile, so much more than me” another kiss “I never thought I could have you for myself and keep you.” Elio can’t believe that Oliver had been crippled with his self-doubt when he thought it was obvious how much he loved him.

“I loved you.” Oliver’s blue eyes fill with tears and Elio realises that he had used the past tense. He closes his eyes and lets the shell break, “I love you.” He whispers and he feels the smile in the kiss that Oliver presses to his lips.

“Call me by your name and I’ll call you by mine.” Oliver whispers.


	2. Oliver

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter will be from Oliver's perspective.
> 
> No beta so any mistakes are all mine.

The phone trembles in his hand as he listens to Elio struggle not to cry. Every fibre of his being screaming to cross an ocean to touch, to comfort and to embrace the only man he has ever loved. Oliver takes a deep breath as Elio whispers that one word guaranteed to hurt him, the one word that grips his heart in a vice and nearly robs him of any iota of control.

“Elio…Elio,Elio,Elio…” those words whispered with a soft plea that threatens to tear him apart, Oliver struggles to swallow around the lump that has formed in his throat. He can hear the breathless quality of his own voice as he answers.

“Oliver..I remember everything.” His heart screams at him to tell Elio what he means with those words. I remember you, I remember how you felt in my arms, I remember how you tasted and smelt, I remember you inside me and I remember being inside of you but he couldn’t, he steels himself and finds the words, “But things change, I’ve changed and you need to forget me.”

Silence fills Oliver’s ears and his head, he can hear soft breathing on the end of the phone followed by a sound that will haunt his dreams that night and for many nights to come, a soft sob and he opens his mouth to speak, to try and soothe the hurt that he feels too but then a dial tone fills his heart.

“Elio?” he pleads to that noise that feels like a dagger, “Oliver.” He whispers to the empty room as he allows the tears to fall. He squeezes his eyes shut as he tries not to allow this sense of desolation take over his entire being, trying desperately to tell himself that it’s all for the best.

He wipes his eyes and squares his shoulders as he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror. His tan faded and he craves the feeling of the summer sun on his skin. The ghost of the taste of apricot juice on his lips and he is instantly reminded of his Elio. His resolution to let the younger man go and move on with his life already wavering as the memory fills his mind.

_**“I don’t want you to go,” Elio’s voice is filled with such emotion that Oliver feels it wash over him as he pulls the teen into his arms, “Please...say it.” The plea is heartfelt and Oliver panics for a moment, part of him wants to say he loves him but knows that he can’t. If he says the words then it’s all real – not just some beautiful dream.** _

_**“Elio.” Oliver loves the word spilling from Elio’s lips and without hesitation he kisses the sobbing man in his arms murmuring his own name against those apricot flavoured lips.** _

_**“Oliver..Oliver…Oliver.” he breathes those words into the writhing younger man as the kiss increases in its intensity. The sweet taste of the fruit and Elio’s release shared between their lips and Oliver can feel Elio’s heart racing as he wraps his fingers lightly around his throat, the pulse a fast tempo against his fingertips. Warm skin presses against his own heated flesh as he pushes the younger man back onto the mattress, a soft whimper of need, his answer to the unspoken question. Oliver reluctantly breaks to kiss and almost moans at the sight of his saliva slicking Elio’s swollen lips. He steadies his desire for a brief moment to press soft kisses to the teen’s neck, Elio arching his back at the sensations.** _

_**“Elio..fuck me.” Oliver moans at those words pleaded from the man beneath him. He reaches down and strokes Elio’s rigid cock, the younger man writhes with lust at the feeling and Oliver loves the power he has over him. Not a selfish power, not a power kept all to himself but a power shared, the younger man his slave to desire as much as he is. Their mutual passion bringing them together and it’s all encompassing. Oliver can’t imagine a time when he won’t want Elio in his arms, to feel his kiss against his lips, to want his skin beneath his fingertips but there’s a melancholy attached to this feeling. An unspoken cloud that hangs over them in which the hourglass is running low and the sands will eventually run out. Oliver leans up and devours Elio’s mouth trying to push the spectre of time away from this moment.** _

_**“Please.” Elio begs, parting his thighs to allow the older man between them. Moans spilling freely from both of their lips as their lengths brush against each other. Oliver’s cloth covered cock throbbing alongside the younger man’s naked flesh. Oliver kisses down Elio’s throat tasting the sweetness from his earlier explorations, his nipples harden under Oliver’s heated lips and the older man can’t resist licking across the nearest one. Drinking in the moans filling the room from his raven haired lover, a sharp hiss escaping as Oliver bites down then laves the abused nub with his tongue. The sweet sweat slicked skin hot beneath his ministrations as he kisses and licks down Elio’s torso, stopping to briefly dip his tongue in and out of his belly button. The younger man moaning wantonly and spreading his thighs wider like a willing sacrifice to Oliver’s carnal need.** _

_**“Oh my Elio.” Oliver whispers almost afraid of the possessiveness that washes over him, fighting his own need to utterly possess the man and his fingers grab those slim hips hard, his fingers digging in and bruising the tender flesh. Elio hisses at the pain but doesn’t say to stop, Oliver tries to relax his grip and his lust nearly overwhelms him driving to mark Elio. The sands of time spilling quickly and the hourglass in his mind ever present as he drinks in the sight of his flushed lover. He swoops down and sucks in the tip of Elio’s shaft, the dark haired teen shouting out with pleasure. Holding in moans of his own pleasure at the sweet taste spilling freely from the slit.** _

_**A tapping reaching his ear as he dips his head lower, taking in as much of his lover as he can, Elio’s breathing hitching and Oliver drinks in the keening moans as he drinks the flowing pre-come. The tapping becoming louds knocks and Oliver tries to hold on to the taste of Elio as the outside world fragments his memories.** _

Realising he was sitting in the armchair of his living room, tears drying on his cheeks and his cock rigid in his jeans as the banging in the doors fills the apartment. He closes his eyes for a second and his heart shatters like the hourglass of their summer disintegrated when he boarded the train in Rome.

“Ollie?” the soft voice of his fiancée pulls him from his downhearted mood and he pushes away the memory of the only person to truly touch his heart.

**5 months later**

The last student leaves the lecture hall and Oliver can finally sigh, he feels so tired and older than his twenty five years.

“Oliver.” Oliver nearly drops his notes at the voice, closing his eyes frightened to open and face the man standing there. Professor Perlman stands there, not a mirage and Oliver can feel his eyes tearing up at the sight of the man that felt more like a father to him than his own flesh and blood.

“Professor,” the older man holds up his hand to stop him.

“Samuel, we are friends, are we not?” Oliver listens for any hint of anger in the man’s voice but hears on the soft warm tones that bring back so many memories.

“Is Elio…” he doesn’t know how to finish that sentence, is he ok? Is he happy? Is he in love? Is he still beautiful? Is he still too smart for his own good?

“Elio, well Elio is one of the reasons I’m here,” Oliver feels like he might panic and the older man senses this and reaches to pat him reassuring on the arm, “He is well…but not if you understand what I am saying?”

“I…I never meant to hurt him.” Oliver starts to sob and almost crumples in on himself, feeling Samuel guide him to the nearest chair.

“Oliver, I know why you felt the need to do what you did,” Oliver looks into the man’s eyes and see a wealth of understanding there, no judgement and he feels lighter for the first time since he said goodbye to his beautiful love

“I am here to look at Julliard,” Oliver’s heart leaps at the implications, “Elio is considering moving to New York.”

“So close to me.” Oliver mutters and Samuel smiles at something he must see in his eyes.

“I looked for notice of your marriage …” there’s an unspoken question hanging there and Oliver merely shrugs his shoulders.

“Called off,” he looks at the older man and finds that he suddenly can’t find the words that he desperately wants to say, the questions he desperately wants to ask, “It wasn’t fair to marry her,” he takes a breath and says what he never felt he could say to anyone else, “How could I , it was ok to fool myself, to pretend to everyone but how could make someone suffer my lies,” Oliver closes his eyes as the tears start to fall, “I love him…I don’t deserve something so beautiful.”

“You deserve all the love in the world and if Elio chooses to gift you with his love then you need to accept that you to deserve to be loved.” Samuel’s gentle words bring forth more tears, tears of hope and fear.

“What if he doesn’t love me anymore?” Oliver fights the need to express how he had longed to call Elio, to see him and hold him in his arms but a part of him held him back, scared that Elio would hate him for taking his innocence and love.

“Oh my dear Oliver,” Samuel pulls Oliver into a hug, “He never stopped, oh he’s hurt and he may struggle to let you back in but I have no doubt that my son loves you.”

“Why…why are helping me?”

“All a parent can ever pray for is that their child is happy and healthy, I want Elio to feel that happiness that he had with you again.” Oliver’s heart fell as the professor began to weep silently, “I want my Elio back.” He whispers.

“I want him back too.” Oliver feels elated at the decision knowing that it will come at a price but willing to pay the piper for just a moment, “My family…I’ll lose them…they won’t understand.”

“You have a family…with us,” Samuel’s words are so filled with truth that Oliver allows tears of relief to fall, “Elio will be here for the summer… I will call you to let you know when.”

“I’ll be ready,” Oliver feels like he’s really smiling for the first time since Crema, “I won’t let him go this time.” Samuel smiles at the words.

**One month later**

Oliver can feel his heart pounding and his palms are sweaty as he watches Elio laughing with a bunch of young men and women. He can feel himself fighting not to swoop in and pull the dark haired man into his arms, uncaring for the shock and revulsion that may greet that act.

“Later.” Elio call to them as they head in different directions leaving Elio alone and Oliver sees a brief flicker of sadness on his face.

“You stole my word.” He hopes that Elio will smile at the joke, his heart stuttering as the dark haired teen pales at the sight of him.

“No.” Oliver nearly collapses as Elio mutters those words before fleeing from him - he is frozen to the spot at the despair in that one word. Galvanised to move as he sees Elio stumble blindly, tears streaming down his face.

“Elio…stop!” He can hear his own voice cracking, “Elio..please!” visions of the younger man in his arms flash before his eyes, petrified that he will never feel them again, “Stop….Oliver!” he shouts and his whole being is in that one word, his hopes, his dreams and his desire tied to that one word. Elio freezes and Oliver longs to touch him but the fear holds him back.

“Elio.” Oliver hears the whispered words and reaches out, touching Elio again nearly drags him to his knees, the younger man’s eyes closed and his face a rictus of agony.

“Look at me ..please.” Oliver can’t take the sight of Elio’s face streaked with tears as he sobs, blue eyes look at him and Oliver can feel that he is being accessed by that tear filled gaze. He can feel those eyes staring at his hand, looking for a ring to prove those terrible words uttered over the phone. “I called it off…it wasn’t fair to her.” Or you, Oliver wants to say and throw himself at Elio’s feet to beg for forgiveness, he offers a smile while taking his own moment to really look at the dark haired beauty in his arms, his creamy skin paler than before and he can feel how slender Elio has become. “Oh silly goose you haven’t been looking after yourself.” he prays that the term of endearment will make Elio remember better times. Oliver is stunned at the venom and hatred that explodes from Elio as he tries to break free of his arms.

“Like you fucking care!” Oliver wants to kiss the pain away and frantically searches for the right words to say.

“I…” Elio slams his fists against Oliver’s chest as he tries to break free, the sobs of anguish crushing Oliver’s heart.

“You left me…” he sobs harder as Oliver pulls him tighter against him, breathing in the scent of his lover, “You left me.” Oliver can feel tears in his own eyes.

“Elio…my Elio,” it feels so good to say those words that Oliver can barely believe that he’s in his arms, he needs to say all the things he was too scared to say, “I can’t ever tell you enough how much I hate myself for hurting you,” maybe one day he’ll share the depths of self-hatred that he faced alone but not now, instead he presses a soft kiss to Elio’s temple, his body alive at the touch of his skin, “I thought that would forget me” though I could never forget you ,”you are so beautiful, so fragile, so much more than me.” You’ll never know how much more, another brief kiss “I never thought that I could have you for myself and keep you.” How could someone like me deserve such love.

“I loved you.” Elio whispers and Oliver only hears the past tense and he cannot stop the tears that spill at the thought that it was too late, “I love you.” Elio breaths and those three words wash over Oliver as he pulls Elio into a kiss, finally tasting from his lover’s lips again.

“Call me by your name and I’ll call you by mine.” He smiles.


End file.
